Congruence

Say it and display it!

Recall a time when you set yourself a goal to achieve something that felt important to you. It can be any goal. Have you got one in mind? If yes, read on.

What kind of effort did your goal require of you? Who was alongside you supporting you to achieve it? How did they support you? Did their approach ‘feel supportive’ to you? Hold that thought. this will begin to make sense in a bit.

Today was my ninth spinning class – yep I’ve been counting. I had promised a girlfriend that I would pass my training log on to her as she plans to do the same ride next year, so I’m tracking my progress and activities.

This thought of goals and what helps us reach them was prompted this morning at my early morning, hour-long bike spinning class. My goal is to build my endurance so I actually make the 240km ride I’ve committed to doing in June. And this is where Sarah comes into the picture.

Sarah is our Thursday-morning spinning class trainer. She’s like pure sunshine the moment she steps into the gym. Her bubbly energy is contagious.

Above the music Sarah calls out the instructions with enthusiasm: ‘We’re building endurance today, so we’re going to climb. Find your 6’th gear. We’ll start with a warm-up: 45 seconds in the seat, then gear up a quarter turn and hover and then back on the seat, keeping the same speed, if you’re able to.  We’ll do this for four sets. Okay, ready in ten seconds. Let’s go!’ The direction and expectation are clearly set.

I notice that I feel encouraged by the manner in which Sarah has set mini-milestones for us to reach. But even more than that, I notice how her full commitment to the goal herself, serves to encourage me to stick with the program. How do I know she’s fully committed? Because I can see the amount of resistance her legs are pushing as she powers through her pedals.

Perhaps I should explain the set-up in a spinning class, as it’s occurred to me that not everyone has necessarily participated in one of these. The instructor’s bike is set on a raised platform that has a mirror behind it. This helps riders around the room have a view of the trainer indirectly if their vision is blocked. The bike I use is in the back row of this mini-gym. I don’t have a direct view of Sarah, but her reflection reveals her effort. Intermittently Sarah’s voice calls above the music: ‘Drive those legs!’ as she drives her own. Her shoulders are relaxed and down. I notice mine are tense and bunched into my neck. Automatically I drop them down to mimic hers.
‘Halfway there’ she adds with a smile, still pushing those pedals to a steady circular rhythm. ‘Just 30 seconds.’ Beads of sweat glisten on every rider and I’m grateful that the noise of the fans and the music drowns out my effortful huffing and puffing.
‘Just ten seconds, give it your best! Five seconds. Gear down.
‘Awesome everyone! Awesome!’

I feel a sense of deep satisfaction. I actually kept up!

I again hear Sarah’s voice above the din of the music, ‘Take fifteen more seconds and we’ll climb another hill. Find your 7’th gear…’

And so the rest of the class progresses, and for me it’s the very first time that I feel I was able to keep up reasonably well.

Sarah displays what she says. When I see her driving her legs, I’m encouraged to drive mine. When I see her shoulders dropped and relaxed, I’m prompted to drop and relax mine.

Today’s class reinforced the importance of congruence, especially from those who teach or lead. Leaders and teachers who ‘Say it and display it’ gain far more trust and respect than those who do not.

So, here’s a related coaching question for you to reflect on:

In what one area of your life do you need to align what you say to the actions you display? Pick just one. Stay open and curious about how you can ‘Say it and display it!’

Of bucket lists and safari’s

What a memory-making week this has been. Our good friend Peter Twycross has been visiting us from Kenya, to promote his luxury tented safari’s. And these are safaris’ with a distinct difference. One gathers one’s own group to enjoy this experience with – people you want to make memories with. Our friends Robin and Nijole persuaded their good friends Michael and Catherine to join them earlier this year.

The other evening we were invited to a reunion of their safari experience, together with eighteen others who have an African Safari on their bucket lists. So there we all were, gathered together in Michael and Catherine’s sitting-room viewing a slide-show of wild-life photo’s that Peter had taken while leading the safari. What is noteworthy is the amazing respect and admiration he  has for his staff – from the chefs to the porters, guides, mess- and utility-stewards, butlers and the Askari [Kenyan guards] – all are local Kenyans whom Peter and his team have trained up, so that they could provide employment opportunities and contribute to the local economy. And that contribution does not stop there. Peter also helps his wife, Wendy, train local poor and unemployed Kenyans to start their own businesses with minimum capital. Their hearts are truly in the right place.

Our safari travelling friends raved about the abundance of wildlife they saw daily, the seamlessness of the transit arrangements and the very reasonable rates compared with other safari operators. They also shared how Peter and his team met their every need and offered more than they could have wished for – elegant dining, phenomenal food and overall an exceptional experience that helped them realize the dream of their lives – an African Safari – that had been one of their bucket list. Both couples sang Peter’s praises.

And I am not at all surprised. Peter’s authenticity and integrity are the two qualities that drew me to him years ago. Those qualities are clearly part of who he is, how he lives his life and how he conducts his business. His love of people, nature and wild-life are well reflected in his enterprise – a meeting of passions, connecting with people and a making of dreams come true.

Why am I sharing this? Because, to me, Peter epitomizes a person whose life is congruent. His life reflects his values and his passions, and, through his work he has found a way to share those with the world. Isn’t that what we all aspire to do? To find a way to earn our livelihood by doing the thing we love while not compromising what we believe in and what we stand for?

So, here’s a question for all of us to ponder through this coming week:

What can I do, say or be today that would best reflect what I stand for?

And, if an African Safari is on your bucket list of things to still do, I cannot recommend Peter highly enough: Check out his website: www.Sentinel Safari’s – and then gather a group of special friends or family and book your adventure. It’ll be a memory of a lifetime!

What one thing reveals your identity?

If you had heard me speak last week, you would not have recognized me. How come? Because I was voiceless! I had literally lost my voice through a bout of laryngitis. So there I was  – unable to answer the phone, unable to attend any meetings, unable to coach any clients and unable to speak to friends or family. Thankfully, I had no scheduled speaking engagements. It was a week of  literally being ‘off-line’ vocally.

Losing my voice reminded me about the correlation between our voice and our identity. How we ‘sound’ is such an integral part of our self-image. Just as blind people use voice to identity others, the rest of us too rely on voice recognition to identify voices on the phone or people in proximity to us but out of our line of sight.

Because our voice is one of the mechanisms through which we broadcast our thinking and feelings, it’s also the mechanism that gives us away if we are out of sorts.  We can often tell if something is wrong by hearing someone’s voice – especially someone we know well. Not so? Their voice reveals a lot more than they actually say.

So, losing my actual vocal voice got me thinking about how when we lose connection with ourselves, how our voice gives us away, and sounds ‘offish’ or has us sound ‘distant’, or ‘distracted’ or ‘not quite present’.

So, here are a couple of questions for you to ponder:

- What circumstances cause you to lose your voice?

- What circumstances cause you to sound ‘offish’, or ‘unlike you’?

- What can you do to re-connect with your true voice?

Stay curious – your voice could just give you away!

 

Copyright © Deborah Rossouw of DebSpeaks.com 21 November 2011 – All rights reserved.

Five things to be more like Thomas

Few people seem to know or own the kind of unreserved confidence that Thomas displays. He is un-apologetically himself, regardless of whom he speaks to or where.

Thomas, who willingly answers any question asked of him, in his own way;
Thomas who misses nothing and spontaneously interrupts the flow of conversation if something important seems to have been left out.
He just needs to let it be known that he knows. This Thomas wins the hearts of all whom he meets.

And so, just before his departure to the UK last week, Thomas made a point of going to all the people who meant something to him, and he made sure to hug them and say his farewell. And when he came to Robin, it was the most poignant moment of all. He looked Robin in the eye and then he flung his arms around Robin, who was much bigger than him. He closed his eyes and pressed himself close as he said: ‘I love you, Robin.’  And he held that posture for some time before he let go. It was a touching moment, for all of us.

Thomas is congruent. He has not let life change who he sees himself to be – a solid, carefree person who wears his heart on his sleeve.
Thomas is an unforgettable person. He has left a huge impression on many.
He has found his voice and he arrives with an unmistakable presence to match.

Thomas is only five years old.
How confident were you at age five?
And, how would you describe your level of confidence now?

If you want to be more like Thomas, here are five things you can do:

  1. Make a list of all your positive qualities, traits, characteristics and attributes, and add to this list as often as you can.
  2. Each morning, re-view your list and select one item to focus on for the day.
  3. Decide on one specific action you will take today to strengthen or highlight that one attribute, quality or characteristic.
  4. Each evening, record any insights or observations.
  5. Repeat daily for three months, and watch your confidence soar!

Copyright © Deborah Rossouw of DebSpeaks.com 14 October 2011 – All rights reserved.

 

Adopt 3 Free things for yourself, today!

The most important things in life are priceless! Just think about it. Could you put a price on a sunset? What about laughter? And love? Oh, you might be tempted to argue that relationships and love require thought and some effort and they can cost our pockets. Well, that is not what I am referring to here. What I am referring to is the priceless benefits we receive from our loved ones and friends – the benefits we can so easily take for granted, that are freely available to us on a regular basis – that do not cost us money – benefits like: sharing our lives, a friendly welcome, a loving touch, a helping hand, accepting us in our worst and best states, company, a shared story, shared interests, being there when we need them, company when we seek it, the peaceful purring of your cat, the absolute trusting look from your dog. These are the things we can so easily take for granted, that are priceless!

On this Canadian Thanksgiving weekend what three things are you most grateful for? And, what three ‘free things’ will you intentionally adopt as a way to give them more focus this weekend?

Here’s a list of priceless pleasures for you to review:

  • Your life-partner or closest friend
  • A loving supportive parent
  • Family
  • Friends
  • The love we get from our pets
  • The beauty of animals in the wild
  • Love in our lives –in all its forms
  • A Creator whose creativity is astounding in its variety
  • An abundant universe
  • Insights that just pop into our minds
  • The ability to daydream
  • All our capacities –cognitive, emotional, somatic, relational, spiritual
  • Our potential for growth
  • Healing – in all its forms
  • Good health
  • Limbs that work with ease
  • Our voice – to share ourselves and to connect with others
  • Our bodies – that allow us to dance, run, play
  • Fresh air
  • Fresh great tasting water
  • Breathtaking landscapes
  • Parks and green belts throughout our suburbs and cities for all to enjoy
  • Beaches and oceans
  • New days
  • Sunsets and sunrises
  • Mountains
  • Rivers and streams
  • Forests of trees
  • Gardens
  • Flowers
  • Laughter
  • Smiles
  • Our creative potential

I could go on and on.

Did you know that when we focus on gratitude, it brings us back into alignment, on an energetic level? You know what I mean – that peaceful inner feeling or that sense of all being right with the world? Well, gratitude brings our mind, heart and emotions into alignment, or congruence. And that is the state from which we are best able to think clearly, tap our intuitive abilities and be most creative.

So, if you have not yet adopted the three things that you want to focus your gratitude on this weekend, do that now. Then, pay extra special attention to those items as you celebrate this Canadian Thanksgiving with your family or friends! The three priceless pleasures I’ve adopted will be my focus too, and I’ll be counting my blessings this weekend, with you!

Copyright © Deborah Rossouw of DebSpeaks.com 7 October 2011 – All rights reserved.

Vibes

Want to experience the benefits of more empowering and productive relationships? Check out your vibes!

Being more consciously aware of our vibes and our ‘way of being’ in the world, can positively or negatively influence how others are likely to relate to us. For instance, if our own inner atmosphere is polluting the space within and around us, others are not likely to want to engage with us. If that happens, it’s time to change our vibes! How? By making a conscious choice and by following the few simple steps, which I will share with you here.

Why am I writing on this topic? For two reasons, firstly because I got triggered today and sent out not-so-pleasant-vibes – and I’ll share that in a moment. And secondly, and this is the more important reason: By living more aware of our own reactions, we have a greater chance to influence and create experiences that align with our best selves. And in doing this, we can then show up more aligned with who we truly are!

So, what prompted me to write about this? A ‘misery-moment’ happened late in my day today. The details are unimportant so I’ll not bore you with those. Over dinner I told Dene, my husband, what had been whirling around in my mind: what I was thinking and how I was seeing the situation. Dene shared his viewpoint and I realized we were each seeing and thinking about the same situation very differently: He saw the bigger picture, whereas I had become tangled in one tiny detail and had lost perspective completely. After our short conversation he quietly left the room. And that’s when it dawned on me that the atmosphere I had created from my ‘misery-moment’ had permeated our space and time together. In my alone time in the room I sensed the heavy quality of the vibes I had created within myself and which had spilled into our dinner conversation. Dene’s departure to his office was enough of a signal for me to reflect on the moment and re-frame my way of seeing and thinking about the situation, ‘Thanks Dene!’ That combination of speaking his truth and then leaving me to reflect on it, alone, was sufficient for me to regain perspective, make a shift, internally, and make the choice to transform my vibes so that I could move on..

Oh, it is so much easier when we step aside to reflect on our situation, and then help ourselves to get back into alignment. And I confess I had become stuck in an old pattern of thinking and seeing. And I hadn’t noticed the self-defeating loop I had trapped myself in. As I was reflecting on it, I began to notice the accumulated tension in my body. My neck was stiff, and my shoulders were tight and I became aware of my lower back and how those muscles were stiff from my exercises the day before. Our bodies really do talk to us. All we need to do is pay attention and heed its messages. So, I had another bit of processing to do to release that tension – a relaxation exercise followed – and that was so cool to do!

Just reflecting on this moment got me thinking of how vitally important our vibes are in creating more empowering and productive relationships at work and home. We have the ability to shift our own atmosphere. And, it relies on a combination of four actions: how we see, think, feel and speak in our everyday lives. Did you notice that I said ‘how’ not what? ‘How’ we see, think, feel and speak about whatever we experience, has a direct impact on us and others.
When last did you pay attention to the atmosphere you might be creating around you? What vibes are you sending?

How we carry ourselves and what we think, feel, say and do affects everyone within our sphere of influence. Thus, in our homes we might affect our partner, our children our parents, and in our workplaces we might affect our colleagues, boss, clients and other stakeholders,  just by how we show up and the vibes we release when we are with them.

‘How,’ you might be asking, ‘how does this happen?’
We affect others by the way we relate and respond to them, whether verbally or non-verbally. Our every action carries its own energy outwards. You’ve likely already heard emotions being described as ‘energy-in-motion. I’d like to invite you to think of it as ‘my-energy-in-motion’. It’s all about the energy of our inner being. We broadcast our unique energy or vibes into the atmosphere around us, whether we are conscious of it or not. And in this way we can affect those around us. If you do not believe me, reflect on the last time you were in a not-so-positive frame of mind. What was the situation? How were you seeing it? What were you thinking about in relation to that situation? What did you say to others with whom you interacted? What was their response to you? Was your mood (your internal climate) heavy or light? Did others hang around with you when you were in that mood, or did they leave quickly? Just stay curious.

So, just that one incident inspired me to write about this, as a reminder to myself, that we create our own atmosphere within ourselves, for good or not. And we get to choose how we want to manage our inner atmosphere, moment-to-moment. And all it takes is a decision to shift our way of seeing, thinking, feeling and speaking, to come back into alignment with the best within our being, so that we can make a positive difference to ourselves and to those around us. In other words to ‘get congruent.’

So, this week, will you join me? Stop three times each day and ask yourself these two questions:

  1. What atmosphere am I creating right now?’
  2. Does this atmosphere reflect my highest and best intention for today?’

    And, if the answer is ‘no’ then make a commitment during this next week to do the following:

    • Be more compassionate towards yourself if you discover you’re not creating the kind of atmosphere you heart feels happy in.
    • Gently focus your awareness on your heart – the bridge to your inner being –and take a couple of deep breaths.
    • Decide what kind of atmosphere you want to step into.
    • Take a transitioning action to help yourself make the shift: eg take a two-minute breathing break; or hum your favourite tune; or go for a brisk walk down the nearest corridor or outside.
    • Super-charge and re-focus your thinking: Begin to ‘see’ yourself living from a more positive state; And, ‘think’ of a brief phrase or mantra for e.g ‘I bring an atmosphere of calm to everyone I interact with.’
    • Speak that phrase or mantra to yourself a few times, and then return to whatever activity you were engaged in, with renewed focus and energy.

And, if you care to, leave a brief comment about what difference this experience created for you and those you interact regularly.

Copyright © Deborah Rossouw of DebSpeaks.com 29 September 2011 – All rights reserved.

The impossible made possible!

When last were you stopped in your tracks, captivated and compelled to pause to take it all in? Last night held one such moment for me.

My husband Dene and I were walking along the seawall, like we often do. The evening was warm and the water, inky black, offered rippled reflections of gentle movement made visible by the lamplight along the walkway. All appeared familiar. And then the unexpected grabbed our attention. Art!

Rock-Art in the form of the seemingly impossible, lured us in, accompanied by soft music from a small portable radio on the wall. What did we see? An arrangement of balancing rocks, of varying shapes and sizes, each two to three rocks high, stood uncannily steady on boulders along the seawall – like statues!

But that was not all! Each balancing rock statue had been carefully lit by it’s own tiny candle in a miniature paper-cup placed at its base, at just the right angle, to cast it’s own particular shadow. It was an awe-inspiring sight that literally stopped us in our tracks! Beauty in simplicity!

The beauty lay in the balancing. Each rock statue had been created from ordinary light grey rocks, carefully placed, not on their wide side, but on their pivot points, their narrowest tip. That is what was so awe-inspiring – seeing the impossible presented as possible!

Another couple was engaged in conversation with the artist and so we walked by, yet wanting to speak to him ourselves.

As I glanced at the other rocks along the shoreline I noticed how they suddenly looked different to me. I’d just been reminded that rocks hold the potential for beauty. And, all it takes is one person with an eye for the possible – to see the potential where others do not.

And it got me thinking about people, and how each one of us has our own immense potential. And all we need is someone with an eye to see what is possible within us, to see us as we truly are!

On the return leg of our walk, we too stopped to speak to the creator of this art. His name is John Shaver and he’s a local artist whose work is prolific here on the west coast of Canada. So I asked him: ‘John, what helps you find your voice to create the kind of art you do?’ And his reply too stopped me in my tracks.

‘When I work, I do not expect anything.’ As I took that in, I reflected on the many times that beauty has surprised me when I too have not expected anything. It’s a wonderful reminder for us to be receptive to life and what wants to emerge. And the trick is to for us to remain receptive.

We were still in conversation when John spontaneously shared the following: ‘When I was a child we did not have a lot of money. And so I would cut open cereal boxes because they provided a large surface on which I could draw –larger than a normal piece of paper. And I would be fascinated to see my mother trace pictures. And I began to do that too, but I soon got bored. And I wanted to transfer a small picture onto the cardboard and make it bigger, so I did. And I realized I can. I just can. I do art because I can! And I do not expect anything. I do not expect others to like it. I just do it because I can.’

What an inspiring thing to say. ‘I do it because I can.’ What do you do because you can? Have you discovered that yet?

As I reflected on this unexpected experience, a myriad of questions began to flood my mind. What is my pivot point? What might be your pivot point? What hidden potential might you and I have that has yet to be uncovered? What one area of expertise or creativity can you already say ‘I do it because I can?’

What if we approached our relationships expecting nothing? What expectations might we need to drop, so that we could be more open? And what possibilities might arise as a result of this kind of openness and allowing?

‘So, John, how do you know which rocks to choose? And he replied, ‘All rocks have balance.’
Wow! What a profound statement. It reminded me of the notion in quantum physicists that ‘the observer is in the observed.’ If we think we’re going to see a particular thing take place, our very thought influences what we observe.

What we think is happening is what we see happening. How we think about something and what we believe, has a profound influence on what we see and thus on what we create.

Through this next week, will you allow yourself to be open enough to let life stop you in your tracks?

Are you willing to allow life to stop you in your tracks? If yes, here is my invitation: In what one relationship can you orient yourself to expect nothing? Identify that person right now, quietly in your mind. I invite you to have no expectations of that person, but instead to meet them where they are, so that you allow the fuller potential of that person to unfold before you. Do this, and let me know what you experience.

Let’s embrace the unexpected. Who knows what might be possible!

Copyright © Deborah Rossouw of DebSpeaks.com 25 September 2011 – All rights reserved.

 

Steve Jobs on Showing up!

So, Steve Jobs resigned as leader and CEO of Apple.
And, because he was an iconic leader, I thought it might be interesting to write a little something about him.      

One quote that struck a chord with me relates to him getting $1 a year salary: ‘I make 50 cents for showing up … and the other 50 cents is based on my performance.’
One could easily gloss over this comment, but I chose not to. Instead my attention landed on the piece about ‘showing up’.

The term ‘showing up’ carries multiple meanings on multiple levels for different people. The meaning I want us to hone in on is what it means in relation to our ways of relating, personally and professionally.

In the context of how we relate, for me ‘showing up’ means ‘to bring our whole self to the moment’. The moment could be preparation before meeting with a client, or a conversation with family or friends or spending time reading a book.
At its core showing up means that we focus our attention and bring ourselves as fully as we can, to just that moment, to just that activity or to that conversation or experience. By being 100% engaged in the moment is how we can show up in the fullest sense possible.

I think this is what Steve Jobs might have meant by his comment about showing up. And I suspect that when he showed up, you knew he was there 100%, focused and ready to contribute his best – his role as CEO of Apple depended on it. You’ll recall what he shared during his resignation speech:
‘I have always said if there ever came a day when I could no longer meet my duties and expectations as Apple’s CEO, I would be the first to let you know. Unfortunately, that day has come. I hereby resign as CEO of Apple.’

Even in that final resignation speech, Steve Jobs showed up! And he did so with humility, honesty and integrity.

So, one meaning of ‘showing up’ has to do with self-awareness. The more self-aware we are,  the more fully we can show up, with humility – owning our ‘stuff’ whether it’s our ability to continue in a particular role or whether it’s about how we’re doing. Showing up as ourselves often requires humility – it’s part of our experience of being human and taking ownership for whatever state or condition we’re experiencing, like Steve Jobs did.

And humility is always preceded by our honesty with ourselves, about ourselves, to our selves, and about ourselves to others. It’s a key quality for leaders as it builds on the foundational qualities of trust and respect, in our personal and professional relationships.

And this first step of self-honesty in which we admit our own shortcomings to ourselves is the cornerstone that supports the doorway to our showing up in our lives. And it is often the most difficult step we have to take. And once through it, the weight of the moment lifts off us and we have more capacity to share our shortcomings with others. And it takes great courage to do both – to be honest first within ourselves, and then to share this truth with others – as is appropriate to our context.

What is remarkable about Steve Jobs, is that he was so clear about who he is and what he stands for, that well in advance of the day, he provided the criteria he used to assess the quality of his contribution, and he made this known in public – namely that he would step down as soon as he realized he was no longer able to lead Apple according to standard he set for himself. Such integrity distinguishes true leaders from the pack.

In my opinion, the one characteristic that distinguishes Steve Jobs from many leaders is that he lead from his soul and not from his role. By this I mean that he followed guidance from a deeper source –from that inner state of knowing that provides internal confirmation of right action in any given moment. The source that always gives us an accurate read on any moment of our lives. Leading from the soul requires so much more from us than any role ever could. It requires that we truly show up!

Thank you Steve Jobs for enriching us all through the clarity of your life and leadership. Thank you for your example of what it means to truly show up as a leader, and as a human being!

Copyright © Deborah Rossouw of DebSpeaks.com 26 August 2011 – All rights reserved.

Read more: The Inquirer:  http://www.theinquirer.net/inquirer/feature/2104885/steve-jobs-quotes#ixzz1WB2bIzlP

To fit in you need to stand out!

This insight dawned on me this past week while vacationing on Salt Spring Island.
And it came as a refreshing surprise.

Many of the locals on the island are Artists whose lives reflect their unique form of self-expression. If you’ve been on Salt Spring Island you’ll know precisely what I am referring to. It’s not unlike San Francisco and the ‘more hip’ towns all over the globe.

Artists’ lives reflect who they are – their self-expression permeates every area of their lives – in the choice and style of colourful garments, their free-flowing hairstyles, head adornments and accessories. How they engage the world is tangibly and visually different from those amongst us who are more conservative.

I sense that we can all take a tip from artists: Why? Because if you look like you fit in perhaps the true You is not showing up!

So over the next couple of days reflect on the following question: In what ways do My choices reflect Me in My life?

Copyright © Deborah Rossouw of DebSpeaks.com 12 August 2011 – All rights reserved.

How Real is Your Professional Voice? Part 2

So were your professional self-introductions this past week ‘real’ or ‘professional’ sounding?
If you spoke from your professional persona, what openings or opportunities might you have missed?
If you spoke in your real voice, what openings might that have created?

Today’s marketplace, embedded with social media has introduced a significant shift away from the ‘way we should do business’, to ‘the way we choose to do business.’ We can therefore create how we want to be known, seen and heard. In other words, we can let go of old scripts, the ones that keep us aloof, and instead speak from a more true part of ourselves. Tapping our true voice helps us to express ourselves and our message with greater credibility and ease and helps us to be more congruent. And congruence is pivotal to true engagement.

Time has changed everything!
You’ll recall my story about my mother in my previous blog post. If my Mom were here, having this conversation with me, you would likely hear me say to her: ‘You know, Mom, in your day it was ‘professional‘ to keep one’s distance, and to be ‘a little aloof.’ At that time there were clear boundaries between work and home, whereas today the boundaries have blurred. Today, people want to connect with a real person, someone who doesn’t have all the answers, but knows how to get them, and someone who lets their human-ness come through. So today, it’s better to be real and ‘not know’, in fact people prefer that these days. It helps us trust others if we can connect with who they really are.’
I think this would be a worthy conversation to have with my mom.

People are attracted to real people with whom they can build real and reliable relationships. The old adage that people do business with people, not companies, still holds true today. When others get to know us, and like us, that helps them to trust us. Isn’t that what we all want?

So, do you want to connect with others who are real and also professional? Well, others likely want the same of you.

So, here’s a question to ponder during this next week: What possibilities could open up if you and I shifted our focus from ‘how do I sound’ to ‘how can I serve’?

Copyright © Deborah Rossouw of DebSpeaks.com 30 May 2011 – All rights reserved.