Lesson from a six year old

So there I was minding my own business outside a local coffee shop, when a toddler and his brother aged six, came walking in my direction. ‘Thud’, the toddler tripped over his own shoes and landed spread-eagled on the sidewalk and let out a loud howl. His mother caught up to them, bent down, placed the youngest child in her lap and began to comfort him. As she did that, the six-year-old bent close, looked at his brother and asked: ‘Was that scary?’

He got it! His kid brother was not hurt, he just got a fright and that is what made him cry. And so he empathized.

How often when we witness an incident, do we perceive accurately what the impact might be for the other person? Expressing empathy effectively is a skill that serves as a bridge to let others feel understood. It requires us to observe accurately so we can reflect that back to the other person – like this six-year-old did.

If a six-year-old can get it right, so can you and I!
This week, see how many times you can express empathy for others, by naming the impact they experience. Doing so will strengthen your communication and will invite others to open up more to you.

Copyright © Deborah Rossouw of DebSpeaks.com 17 February 2012 – All rights reserved

 

 

Chains, strains and snaps

A couple of weeks ago I re-acquainted myself with Old Trusty, my 18-year old mountain bike. On my fourth ride the chain came off. I thought nothing of it. On the next ride, it happened again. No problem – I just turned the bike on its saddle and re-connected the chain, and was again on my way.

Now you’d think that I might have considered why it had happened. Well, I did, but only fleetingly. Well, guess what, when I took the bike out for a long ride, today, the chain did not come loose – it snapped! That got my attention! Fortunately it was only five minutes into the ride, and close enough to the bike repair shop. It was definitely my lucky day as I was the first customer when the doors opened at 10am. The chap first did a quick fix of my broken bike-chain. Only when I began to ask a few key questions, did I realize that because it was tighter, it might snap again. As I’m training for a long distance bike ride in June, I need a reliable chain, not one that will strain and snap again. So, I bought a new one and asked for it to be installed instead.

But here’s the important question: Where else in my life, do I ignore the tiny warning signs that something is under strain? What is the chain of events that is silently playing out, that I’m not paying enough attention to? And for you – what is the chain of events silently playing out, that you might not be paying enough attention to?
Are there any warning signs you need to notice in relation to your health or energy levels? Likewise, are there any tiny warning signs in regard to your home or work relationships? What about your spiritual well-being?
What chain of events has already played out that you’ve not slowed down to assess?

As happened for me, does the situation need to snap, before it gets your attention?

You know the thing about our health, spiritual well-being or our work and home relationships, is that we don’t have the option of ‘buy a new one’. Under normal circumstances, we get to work with what we’ve got!

So, my invitation to you and me, is to ask the above question through this coming week so we have the opportunity to reduce any strains and thus avoid any snap!

 Copyright © Deborah Rossouw of DebSpeaks.com 10 February 2012 – All rights reserved.

Need a tip to help you keep your New Year’s resolutions?

Did you make any New Year’s Resolutions? If you did, I’m wondering if your resolutions are similar to the ones I usually make, namely to improve in areas like spiritual development, exercise and making healthy food choices. If so, how are you doing?

I must confess that this year I did not make any resolutions on New Year’s Day, as mine have often ended up being unrealistic promises. So, this year I decided on a different approach, namely to clearly identify and commit to a couple of practices to take me to the next levels of possibility in my life. How about you?

So, I began by not making any resolution on New Year’s Day.
Instead, I took some time to explore what was missing before. And what came was two words ‘consistency’ and ‘pull’.

While I may have had sincere intentions to follow through with past resolutions, the reason for doing them didn’t have enough ‘pulling power’ for me to keep my commitment to myself.

So that got me thinking about work I’d done in numerous organizations on values, and how values drive behaviour. Bingo! Values are the often-neglected element in resolutions. If you truly want to make a commitment to your goals there needs to be some ‘pull’ from your values.

So, this year I’ll be experimenting with this concept. I’ve identified two domains in which I want to take my game to the next level, namely in the spiritual and the physical. In both of these domains I’ve failed to be consistent. So, this year I have chosen one action I can do per domain to establish a consistent practice.

For example, in the physical domain – we all know that following a regular exercise routine helps to improve one’s level of fitness. So, that’s one area I’ve chosen. Which value does this align with for me? Excellent health. What are the benefits of excellent health as I see it? I want to be able to enjoy walking and jogging and cycling and kayaking with ease, well into my mature years. I want to be able to enjoy travel without stiffness, aches, pains or medication – if possible.

So I figure that increasing my level of fitness on a consistent basis now, will help me achieve greater all round health in the future. Holding that vision is a strong incentive for me to exercise on a more regular basis. Some who know me may argue, ‘oh, but you’ve always been one to exercise’. Well, that’s not quite true. What is true is that my exercise has been sporadic rather than consistent – even though it has included three half-marathons in a period of eighteen years – as you can see, it’s hardly a track record for consistent exercise. It’s consistency that I am now aiming for.

With regard to the spiritual domain, deepening my connection to the Sacred is a deep desire, and yet I miss the mark more often than I like to admit. I’ve come to think of it as my ‘appointment with peace.’ Nothing compares with it! And so, this year by aligning ‘my appointment with peace’ to my value of Spirituality provides me with far more compelling reason to keep my commitment than merely wanting it. Living my values more consistently is how I can take my life to the next levels of possibility. And so can you!

So, here’s my tip for you:
Reflect on the resolution(s) you made on 1 January 2012. And, if you’re having difficulty keeping it, assess if there is a value that you can link it with, so that there’s more ‘pulling power’ to help you to keep your commitment to yourself. The more compelling the value, the more traction your ‘resolution’ will have – but don’t take my word for it. Test this for yourself.
Align a value with the resolution. Align your intentions with your values and actions. And, then, re-visit your value-based resolution on 31 December 2012, and see how you did!

 Copyright © Deborah Rossouw of DebSpeaks.com  22 January 2012 – All rights reserved.